Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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