remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
