three words: i give head
three words: not that well
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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