You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
