Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
