you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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