Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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