no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
