roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
