She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you will always have a special place in my vag
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found the puke drawer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
