Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
