Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
