I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
the raccoons are back...
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