Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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