so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
