hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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