Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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