so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
