you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
