I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
