I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think my moral compass just broke
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
