one might say we're banned from that church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
