it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
