so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
