RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the raccoons are back...
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