careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
