I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
