On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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