If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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