so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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