Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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