2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
