My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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