Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
