I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize