I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
