seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
