dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
