I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
