I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
