I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I understand Curling. That high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
