I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
