I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
