she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
