Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize