omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
