Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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