Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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