What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize