My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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