he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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