i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
