thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
