Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
