woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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