Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
