apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
