Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
