yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
