he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize