Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
