Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
