i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
