I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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