think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
