they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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