I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And then he peed in my hair
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